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satin_stilettos

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sad [22 Aug 2006|10:37am]
[ mood | sad ]
[ music | slinence of a fan ]

So I my husband-to-be got me the cutest dog last week and I have been wanting a dog pretty much my all my life since I have not had one or any pet since I was like 4 years old. He is a black lab sweetest and most cuddleable thing ever. We named him Jonesy. I just left from seeing him yesterday and my HTB calls me to tell me he is sick. They think he went in one the sheep pins and got kicked by the sheep stupid sheep I could just hurt them. Anyway so the vet gave him some meds but that is far as I know. I finally got a dog again who is like my baby since I don't want kids for a really long time I just hope he is going to make it through.

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just something to do [15 Jul 2006|10:49pm]
[ mood | blank ]
[ music | sound of the fan ]

1. YOUR ROCK STAR NAME: (first pet and current street name)
Dogie Ptarmigan

2. YOUR MOVIE STAR NAME: (grandfather/grandmother on your dad's side, your favorite candy)
Marcella Starburst

3. YOUR "FLY GIRL/GUY" NAME: (first initial of first name, first two or three letters of your middle name)
N. Mic

4. YOUR DETECTIVE NAME: (favorite animal, favorite color)
Tiger Purple

5. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: (middle name, city where you were born)
Michelle Ptarmigan

6. YOUR STAR WARS NAME: (first 3 letters of your last name, last 3 letters of mother's maiden name, first 3 letters of your pet's name)
Marigtdog

7. JEDI NAME: (middle name spelled backwards, your mom's maiden name spelled backwards)
Ellehicmtgiov

8. PORN STAR NAME: (middle name, street you grew up on)
Michelle Ptarmigan

9. SUPERHERO NAME: ("The", your favorite color, the automobile you drive)
The Purple Laredo

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[30 May 2006|04:59pm]
[ mood | enthralled ]
[ music | sound of coffee machine ]

I had the best birthday ever!! I went out to diner with friends, went bowling then to the bars it was really fun escially to have all my friends there. Then sunday was such hot day outside but my boyfriend said I needed to go to Quarry park and go for a walk well now I know why since he asked me to marry him!!!

Now I am ENGAGED!!!!!! So excited and soooo happy I can't even say!

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birthday! [25 May 2006|09:48am]
[ mood | optimistic ]
[ music | sounds of peolpe typing ]

It's party time. It's my birthday saturday and I'll cry it want to you would cry it if happened to you. Just kidding have nothing to day cry about because it my birthday. And the best one. I ture 222222222211111111111! Baby heck ya. Have a good all I will.

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Down to 2 jobs YEEEEEEEEEEEE! [29 Apr 2006|03:11pm]
[ mood | relieved ]
[ music | country something ]

today is my last at mckay
today is my last at mckay
haa hee haa hee
it's my last day at mckay
and what a wonderful day it is today!!!!!

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[07 Apr 2006|08:15pm]
[ mood | hyper ]

Just something I have to write down. To quit my second job or to not. I can't stand it and the people that work there. The scary thing it that I'm more scared to tell them that I'm quiting then actully doing it. Isn't it sad but I will lose out on some money but at the same time I will feel so much better and be so less stressed plus I to and extra increase in my pay at the other job I have. Okay sorry to be so dramatic but had to wriet is down and say it then just think it in my head. Thanks.

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xoxo! [03 Mar 2006|09:37pm]
[ mood | flirty ]
[ music | Waterfalls ]

A girl asked a guy if he thought she was pretty,

He said...no

She asked him if he would want to be with her forever....

and he said no.

She then asked him if she were to leave would he cry,

and once again he replied with a no.

She had heard enough. As she walked away, tears streaming down her
face the boy grabbed her arm and said....

You're not pretty you're beautiful.

I don't want to be with you forever, I NEED to be with you forever.

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girly girl [12 Jan 2006|05:14pm]
[ mood | satisfied ]
[ music | "concetre angel" ]

yes I the girly girl and going to do something this weekend so girly girlish it will amaze you. Okay maybe so much but it is very girl something that girls dream of all there lives well most i don't want to say all. do you want to know what it is. I am going to the wedding expo 2006 it is sad and not I indeed am not engaged yet. But I do that girly girl stuff ever so often so yeah. Bo yeah yet you never know I may find a groom at the expo. Jk that would be very sad on his part.

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So Tired. [31 Dec 2005|02:33pm]
I have to admit I HATE working at Mckays everyone always talkes behind you back and everyday I come in I have been told I do something wrong. I really don't know how much longer I can last. Then today was the icing on the cake. Supposely the cash till was off one night and it was the night that I worked. So I am getting all the blame. Which it isn't all my fault. So I don't know what to do. I am going to wait until monday and see what happens. It's one of those things that will worry the HELL of you. If all else fails I guess I will quit or see what happens. So wish me luck people any suggestions?

TO EVERYONE HAVE A HAPPY NEW YEAR'S!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ps. people party it up for me I will be working all of it, so much fun.
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Help!! [09 Dec 2005|06:05pm]
[ mood | determined ]
[ music | "Jingle Bells" a bad version ]

What do you get boys for x-mas okay I only like 3 more people to shop for but it is driving me nuts with boys. I think girls are the easiest people to buy stuff for but boys now that's a different story. I got my bf something but I still have to spend some money on him b/c our limit is like $50 and I have only spent about $23.
So anyone have any ideas??????????????
Anything would help!!!
Thanks.

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Funny Personal AD [06 Dec 2005|09:33pm]
[ mood | dirty ]
[ music | A song ]

>> A lonely spinster, aged 81, decided that it was time
>>to get married.
>> She put an ad in the local paper that read:
>> HUSBAND WANTED,
>> MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (80's),
>> MUST NOT BEAT ME,
>> MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME
>> AND MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED!
>> ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN Person
>> On the second day she heard the doorbell. Much to her
>>dismay, she
>> opened the door to see a grey-haired gentleman sitting
>>in a
>> wheelchair. He had no arms or legs. The woman said
>>"You're not really
>> asking me to consider you, are you? Just look at
>>you....you have no
>> legs!" The old man smiled "Therefore I cannot run
>>around on you!" She
>> snorted. "You don't have any hands either!" Again the
>>old man smiled
>> "Nor can I beat you!" She raised an eyebrow and gazed
>>intently
>> . "Are you still good in bed?"
>>
>> With that, the old gentleman leaned back, beamed a big
>>broad smile and
>> said, "I rang the doorbell didn't I?"

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Juicy Joke [15 Nov 2005|08:22pm]
[ mood | thirsty ]
[ music | "the road and the radio" ]

JuicySquirt

The owner of a drug store walks in to find a guy leaning heavily against a wall. The owner asks the clerk, "What's with that guy over there by the wall?"
The clerk says, "Well, he came in here this morning to get something for his cough. I couldn't find the cough syrup, so I gave him an entire bottle of laxative."

The owner says, "You idiot! You can't treat a cough with laxatives!"

The clerk says, "Oh yeah? Look at him, he's afraid to cough!"

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sick of people telling me things [10 Nov 2005|06:53pm]
[ mood | gloomy ]
[ music | "photograph" ]

It has been such a long busy ass week. I have been working like crazy I only put in 62 hrs this week with all three and jobs and had school oh I think I tryed to have a life in between to but kinda failed in that way. I am just honestly really down lately all these people who will remain unamed have been getting on me about my weight it really sucks and just really makes me feel really bad about myself because in all seriouness I know I am little big but not really that people would need to comment on it. So I put myself on a diet and hopefully with lose some weight I want to lose the weight for me but also people get off my back about it. but was wondering if anyone knew and good healthy ways to lose faster or have some good tips just wondering I could use all the help I can get. Have a good one.

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wanting to get in class! [31 Oct 2005|07:47pm]
[ mood | nervous ]
[ music | "Wake me up when sept ends" ]

I have been waiting all day for my advisor to call me to tell me if I got in this Nursing Foundations class. But she didnt call me to tell me if I got in or not. I have all my other classes done to get in the one class otherwise if I don't get in it I get pushed back a year before I graduate and only have one class to take next semester I think the college just wants to keep pushing you back so they can still get some of your money! I am just so nervous it isn't even funny. But everyone have a good night pray for me that I will get in the class I would really appreaiate it!!

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11 poeople on a rope [25 Oct 2005|04:22pm]
[ mood | amused ]
[ music | chick music on the radio ]

Eleven people were hanging on a rope under a helicopter; ten men and one woman.



The rope was not strong enough to carry them all, so they decided that one
had to leave, because otherwise they were all going to fall. They weren't
able to name that person un! til the woman gave a very touching speech.



She said she would voluntarily let go of the rope, because, as a woman,

she was used to giving up everything for her husband and kids, or for men in
general, and was used to always making sacrifices with little in return.



As she finished her speech, all the men started clapping their
hands.......

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YOUR DRIVERS LICENSE TELLS IT ALL [19 Oct 2005|07:35pm]
[ mood | content ]
[ music | "Girls just wanna have fun" ]

A mother is driving a little girl to her friend's house for a play date.

"Mommy," the little girl asks, "how old are you?"

"Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age," the mother replied.
"It's not polite."

"OK," the little girl says, "How much do you weigh?"

"Now really," the mother says,
"those are personal questions and are really none of your business."

Undaunted, the little girl asks, "Why did you and Daddy get a divorce?"

"That is enough questions, young lady, honestly!"

The exasperated mother walks away as the two friends begin to play.

"My Mom won't tell me anything about her," the little girl says to her friend.

"Well," says the friend, "all you need to do is look at her drivers'
license It is like a report card, it has everything on it."

Later that night the little girl says to her mother,
"I know how old you are, you are 32."

The mother is surprised and asks,
"How did you find that out?

"I also know that you weigh 140 pounds."

The mother is past surprised and shocked now.
"How in heaven's name did you find that out?"

"And," the little girl says triumphantly,
"I know why you and daddy got a divorce."



"Oh really?" the mother asks. "Why?"

"Because you got an F in sex."

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Totally explains mans minds!! [18 Oct 2005|07:46pm]
[ mood | amused ]
[ music | "Photogragh" Nickelback ]

The Guys' Rules

At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down. Finally, the guys'
side of the story. (I must admit, it's pretty good.)

We always hear "the rules" from the female point of view...


Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules!
Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Men ARE NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it
down.
We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you
leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let
it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that
way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what
we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.


1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to
act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways
makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during
commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We
have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's

wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you
don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is
fine...Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss

such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or golf.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;


But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

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If your a women you have to read this it is really funny!!!!!! [13 Oct 2005|06:18pm]
[ mood | good ]
[ music | "american woman" ]

> WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST
>She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
>Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
>Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
>Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
>And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.
>
>WOMEN'S REVENGE
>"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to
>purchase.
>As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a television
>set in her purse.
>"So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.
>"No," she replied, " but my husband refused to come shopping with me,
>and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally."
>
>UNDERSTANDING WOMEN
>(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)
>I know I'm not going to understand women.
>I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your
>upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider.
>
>MARRIAGE SEMINAR
>While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication,
>Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor,
>"It is essential that husbands and wives know each other's likes and
>dislikes."
>He addressed the man,
>"Can you name your wife's favorite flower?"
>Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "It's
>Pillsbury, isn't it?
>
>CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS
>A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles. The sales
>girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.
>He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.
>She directs him down the correct aisle. A few minutes later, he deposits a
>huge bag of cottonballs and a ball of string on the counter.
>She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for
>your wife He answers, " You see, it's like this,
>yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes,and
>she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rollingpapers; cause it's
>sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper.
>So, I figure if I have to roll my own .......... so does she.
>( I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton! )
>
>WIFE VS. HUSBAND
>A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
>An earlier discussion had led to an argument and
>neither of them wanted to concede their position.
>As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,
>the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"
>"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."
>
>W O R D S
>A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a
>day...
>30,000 to a man's 15,000.
>The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat
>everything to men...
>The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"
>
>CREATION
>A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be
>so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.
>" The wife responded, "Allow me to explain.
>God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
>God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!
>
>WHO DOES WHAT
>A man and his wife were having an argument about who
>should brew the coffee each morning.
>The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first,
>and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."
>The husband said, " You are in charge of cooking around here and you should
>do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."Wife
>replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the
>man should do the coffee."
>Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."
>So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament
>and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed
>says.........."HEBREWS"
>
>The Silent Treatment
>A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each
>other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day,he
>would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business
>flight.
>Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a
>piece of paper,
>"Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it.
>The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he
>had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and
>see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by
>the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."
>Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
>
>God may have created man before woman,
>but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece

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15 Fun Things To Do At Wal-mart [04 Oct 2005|08:10pm]
[ mood | working ]
[ music | "Skin" Rascal Flatts ]

1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts
when they aren't looking.

2. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute
intervals.

3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading
to the rest rooms.

4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, 'Code 3'
in housewares..... and see what happens.

5. Go to the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay-away.

6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll
invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.

8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask 'Why
can't you people just leave me alone?'

9. Look right into the security camera; use it as a mirror, and inspect
your teeth.

10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he
knows where the anti-depressants are.

11. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission
Impossible" theme.

12. In the auto department! , practice your "Madonna look" using different
size funnels.

13. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say "PICK
ME!" "PICK ME!!"

14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal
position and scream "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!"

(And last, but not least!)

15. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while; and, then,
yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!"

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how Forest Gump got in heaven [27 Sep 2005|05:11pm]
[ mood | dorky ]
[ music | Cher ]

The day finally arrived;
Forrest Gump dies and goes to Heaven.
He is at the Pearly Gates, met by St. Peter himself.

However, the gates are closed and Forrest approaches the Gatekeeper. St
. Peter says, "Well, Forrest, it's certainly good to see you. We have
heard a lot about you. I must tell you, though, that the place is
filling up fast, and we've been administering an entrance exam for
everyone.

The test is short, but you have to pass it before
you can get into Heaven."

Forrest responds, "It shor is good to be here, St. Peter, sir. But
nobody ever told me about any entrance exam. Shor hope the test ain't
too hard; life was a big enough test as it was".

St. Peter goes on, "Yes, I know, Forrest, but the test is only three
questions.

First:
What two days of the week begin with the letter T?

Second:
How many seconds are there in a year?

Third:
What is God's first name?"

Forrest leaves to think the questions over.
He returns the next day St. Peter who waves him
up and says, "Now that you have had a chance to
think the questions over, tell me your answers."

Forrest says, "Well, the first one -- which two days in
the week begin with the letter "T"?

Shucks, that one's easy. That'd be Today and Tomorrow.

The Saint's eyes open wide and he exclaims, "Forrest,
that's not what I was thinking, but you do have a point, and I guess I
didn't specify, so I'll give you credit for that answer.

How about the next one?" asks St. Peter .
"How many seconds in a year?"

"Now that one's harder," says Forrest, "but I thunk and
thunk about that and I guess the only answer can be twelve."

Astounded, St. Peter says, "Twelve? Twelve!? Forrest,
how in Heaven's name could you come up with twelve
seconds in a year?"

Forrest says "Shucks, there's gotta be twelve:
January 2nd, February 2nd , March 2nd...."

"Hold it, " interrupts St. Peter. "I see where you're going with this,
and I see your point, though that wasn't quite what I had in
mind.....but I'll have to give you credit for that one, too.

Let's go on with the third and final question.
Can you tell me God's first name"?

"Sure" Forrest replied, "its Andy."

"Andy?!" exclaimed an exasperated and frustrated

St. Peter. "Ok, I can understand how you came up with your answers to
my first two questions, but just how in the world did you come up with
the name Andy as the first name of God?"

"Shucks, that was the easiest one of all," Forrest replied.

"I learnt it from the song. .

"ANDY WALKS WITH ME,
ANDY TALKS WITH ME,
ANDY TELLS ME I AM HIS OWN. "

St. Peter opened the Pearly Gates and said:
"Run Forrest, Run."

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